Wednesday, July 29, 2015

How to know the bottom is in: Business Insider whores themselves out to doomer newsletters

How can you pick the bottom in the market?

Wait for Business Insider to run a fucking retarded story like this:

BI - Harry Dent says everything is starting to crash!!!1!*

OMG! Quote:

Despite a $486 billion fund to prop up the Chinese market, China's stocks sunk another 8.5% on Monday — the biggest one-day drop since 2007.

OMG Harry! If only you could have predicted this ahead of time, we might think you were intelligent instead of some clueless cunt who uses faddish news items to generate new subscriptions to your worthless fucking newsletter!

As it stands we're all in such fear about the Shanghai index being back to where it was this February.

Even more:

The DAX in Germany just started to crash again down 2.56% to below 11,100 on Tuesday — down over 10% from the top!

OMG! That's halfway to a 20% correction!

Um... Harry, the rest of the world buys 10% corrections. Have you been pissing your frilly panties and selling every time a market goes down 10%? Or are you again just using this as an excuse to peddle your shitty doomer newsletter?

As for US stocks, they seem to be imploding from within!

Even though the Nasdaq hit new highs recently, the advance/decline line didn't. That means more stocks went down than up, even though the most aggressive market hit a high!

Harry! Do you get paid by the exclamation mark! Because you're using a lot of exclamation marks here!

Oil will keep falling. It will force the frackers out of business. And when they default on the $600 billion in junk bonds and leveraged loans they have used to fund their drilling, it will be like the next subprime crisis in the US!

OMG! Because junk bonds are supposed to have absolutely no chance of default! That's why we call them "junk bonds"!

BTW Harry, you fucking asshat, did you pull this oil price prediction out the same bunghole as your prediction about "The Great Crash Ahead" as published in 2012 right before the S&P shot up 40%? Or "The Great Depression Ahead" as published in 2009 before the S&P flew up 87%?

Your predictions fucking suck Harry. Must be because you have utterly no fucking clue about anything.

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Hey Blodget, you whore! How much do these clowns pay you to reprint their clownish garbage on your worthless website? Cuz I know some people in al-Qaeda and the White Power movement who are also looking for good places to reprint their screeds. Can you send me your rate card?

* - LGT Ashley Tisdale doing a pretty rad club electro cover of "Never Gonna Give You Up" because there's no way I'm linking to the bullshit article.

1 comment:

  1. Sure, Rick Roll us with some chickie version of the song.

    I love this quote: "It will force the frackers out of business." Sure. They're pumping more oil than ever now at a lower cost of production and continuing to turn a profit, so yup, out of business! I added an exclamation point of my own there! Or two!!