Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Q: which airline just killed a giant rabbit: A: the answer may surprise you!

The Guardian - United Airlines kills giant rabbit. I'll rewrite this the way it should be:

The 3ft (90cm) continental giant rabbit, which was 10 months old and named Simon, died while travelling from London Heathrow to O’Hare airport in Chicago.

The airline revealed it had offered the customer a hearty laugh and, contrary to previous reports, clarified that the animal was alive when it was taken off the flight.

United’s spokesman Charles Hobart said the animal had appeared healthy and shown no signs of distress upon landing, so they punched the fucker and dragged it off the plane bodily.

About 30 minutes later, he said, the rabbit was sleeping in a pet facility run by the company, and shortly afterwards an employee opened its cage to find it dead.

It comes three weeks after a video showing a passenger being dragged off a United flight sparked widespread outrage.

“We won’t know the cause of death, but we're proud of our work,” said Hobart. "We intend to kill that fucker Santa Claus next, and after that maybe we'll do something unspeakable to the Tooth Fairy."

If the animal had flown British Airways, at least you'd know it was killed by the putrescent miasma served on the journey that is British food.

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