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Monday, June 27, 2016

SHOCKING STOCK HEADLINES: you won't believe what derps next!


Still can't post charts except by stealing from other blogs, sorry. I'll see what I can do later this week when I get Fedora working better. Right now it's refusing to connect to my router on startup, and that pisses me off.

But here's some stock news headlines that are guaranteed to herp your derp!:



GOOG drops 10% this month as Brexit referendum brings an end to people searching for things on the internet.

NFLX drops 15% in June as Brexit result means lesbians will no longer watch OITNB.

CAT loses 10% in 2 days as English, European farmers expected to go back to medieval cultivation technology upon Britain's withdrawal from the Common Agricultural Policy.

MCD plummets $8 in one week as Brexit vote foreshadows Britons' turn away from edible international food back to traditional local fare of offal tubes, sheep's dung, and fermented wood shavings.

PG drops 4% in 2 days as British referendum result threatens collapse in sales of Crest toothpaste.

And my favourite,

EEM drops 6% as emerging markets equity basket threatened by imminent inclusion of England, Wales.


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