Friday, March 27, 2015

In which I take pity on IKN and explain to him what he should and shouldn't do when surfing the intarwebz

IKN - in which IKN takes pity on Kitco and explains to them what they should and shouldn't do when taking a customer survey. Sigh:
Dear people at Kitco, here's some advice on how to bring your website philosophy kicking and screaming into the 21st century. Let's get the DON'T items out the way first:

1) Do NOT force a pop-up on visitors

OMG really? You're seeing popups, Mickey? OMG. WTF LOL BRB (YKINOK) (IANALNDIPOOTV). Are you still living in 2002? No wonder you like Radiohead!

Here's how to join me in the wonderful world of 2015:

1. Remove Java runtime from your computer. It's a massive security hole and you don't need it unless you're running a program where you know you need it, like Steam apparently. Popups + Java runtime = your computer has already been made someone's bitch.

2. Firefox. Install it. It allows plugins, is open source, and is not owned by an evil empire.

3. Adblock Plus. Install it for Firefox. It blocks all ads.

4. Ghostery. Install it for Firefox. It blocks tracking services, like google-analytics, whose reason for existence is to serve you ads.

5. Noscript. Install it for Firefox. It will block all scripts on all webpages unless you explicitly allow them. This will be a bit of a pain in the ass for the first few weeks (e.g. you don't know that you need to allow and a cloudfront site in order for Flickr to work), but eventually you learn which scripts to allow. But noscript will block popups because a popup starts with a script.

There. Now you have computer security.

Computer security by definition includes never seeing a popup, because computer security means your computer is never doing a thing you didn't ask it to do, and a popup means someone is making your computer do a thing you didn't ask it to do.

In conclusion, here's a picture of Mila Kunis and a kitten:

Nuff said?

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