Thursday, March 26, 2015

BREAKING NEWS: Jeremy Clarkson fired from Top Gear

BBC - we fired Jeremy Clarkson because WHAT THE FUCK WERE WE THINKING. Clarkson loses his job because he punched Oisin Tymon in the face for giving him a sandwich and salad after a hard day of filming.

I would have punched Oisin Tymon in the face just for looking like Oisin Tymon, personally:

Even better, he's supposedly "Irish" yet he whinges cos someone gave him a split lip.

Notably, May and Hammond's contracts are up, and they've already made it apparent they're not coming back to Top Gear if Clarkson isn't there. Probably because they realize he's the funny one (well, May is alright too).

So, BBC, good luck next year with The Oisin Tymon Show. Let's hope it makes you £40 million a year, because that's what you've just given up by killing off Top Gear. And I'm sorry but replacing Clarkson, May and Hammond with Malcolm Hebden, Johnny Vegas and Russell Brand is not a winning strategy.

Though actually Hebden and Vegas would be funny together. But for fuck's sake not Russell Brand.

As for Clarkson, he gets a free lifetime pass for punching Piers Morgan. He can sacrifice children to Satan while clubbing baby seals with the skulls of koala bears in the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant for all I care.

As for BBC Canada, I guess they can fill the space left by Top Gear by airing yet more fucking Holmes on Homes. Great BBC programming there, BBC Canada. Yet another reason your shitty channel will be going off-air next year when the CRTC's pick-and-pay is brought in, along with all the other shitty extended cable channels that just show the same fucking 5 hours of programming on loop all day and night, which nobody wants to watch, which only existed so that you could nick a larger share of my cable bill. Twats.

1 comment:

  1. Here's hoping Netflix picks up the boys.

    Also, f*ck Russell Brand. He makes Forgetting Sarah Marshall ALMOST not worth watching for Kristen Bell.