Saturday, November 8, 2014

Great posts of the past: Fuck you England

I've now written several thousand posts, so it's time to start revisiting some of my great works of the past.

Here's one from July 22, 2012:

Greatest Blog in the Universe - My father risked his life to defend your stupid country from the Nazis so you could WHAT?

OK, Otto's got me pissed off now.

Apparently the London 2012 Olympic logo is meant to represent the screams of an abbatoir full of retarded children.

Seriously, I had to read the article to realize that there's even a "2012" in there.

The graphic design is utter bullshit. Is that the best you could come up with? "Ey-oop mite, t'Olympics 'appen in 2012, roit, so let's mike thet the lowgow!" A country with 1000 years of tradition and glory, and you couldn't maybe just put on a fucking manticore, or a knight, or a galleon, or a pint of beer, or Ena Sharples?

How is Ena Sharples not English enough to represent the 2012 Olympics?

The article above also notes a graphic design flub that I saw, but couldn't put into words myself (since my only real experience with graphic design is having sex [if you call it that] with a graphic design student): the font for "London" commits the cardinal sin of combining straights and circles.

I mean, fuck! Look at these pictures! Does that font make this look like the capital of glorious Brittania, the last world-spanning empire? - or does it instead make the country look like some central Asian backwater where the entire population suffers from the neurological after-effects of goitre and lead poisoning?

Even worse: the Olympic mascots are a pair of one-eyed "terror sperm". The photoshoppers of the world had a field day - 17 pages of sarcasm at this one link alone.

But my favourite photoshop was this:

Because that's really what it's all about.

McDonalds has signed a deal that means nobody else in England is allowed to sell chips.

Visa has signed a deal that means nobody else in England is allowed to use Mastercard.

In addition, during London 2012 businesses can’t have these banned words in their advertising: “gold”, “silver”, “bronze”, “summer”, “sponsors” and “London”.

Cost to the UK taxpayer to subsidize the jackboot of Fascism? Ten billion quid. They are paying ten billion quid to enslave themselves under a new corporate plutocracy.

Now listen up you stupid English fucks.

My father volunteered to fly in a fucking bucket of bolts over Germany, shot at by big flak guns, at night, in a tiny little cabin with a small window. One time they got their front landing gear shot off. Another time the bomb bay got hit and the destroyed equipment meant they had to land with all their bombs still loaded. Another time, after landing, he lifted up his seat to find out that the fuselage underneath it had been blown away. And then there was the time his plane lost 2 engines and he ended up over a German airbase at dawn, under attack by 3 ME262s.

He volunteered to do this shit, to save your shitty little country from the Nazis, and you reward the world with this garbage? A totalitarian state with mutant sperm mascots, where all freedom of speech has been handed over to the corporations?

Fuck you, England*. Fuck you*, fuck yourselves*, nobody from my family is ever going to volunteer to help you out ever again.

Plus your food and beer is too fucking expensive, given what I get for the money. 6 pounds for a fucking pint you'd think they could use a fucking fridge, and 10 pounds for a shitty meal of sheep grogans you think they'd be able to include a fucking vegetable.

* - note that this doesn't include Scotland or Northern Ireland. Or Wales I guess. Or Man. Or probably Guernsey. But I do also specifically fucking hate Jersey, the tax-dodging cunts.** 

** - But not Jimmy Carr, he's funny. Seriously, if the UK spends 10 billion pounds on this bullshit, then I applaud Jimmy Carr for not paying any taxes. At least now he can say he's not to blame for the fucking 2012 London Olympics.

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