Friday, August 29, 2014

Friday videos: Rihanna's "We Found Love", and then some very naughty language

OK, she has a great voice and all, and it's a great song,

but it's a bit of a piss-off that this has made it to the "Billboard #24 song of all time", with over 10 million sales, when exactly these kinds of fat dance anthems were being turned out every week twenty bloody years ago by literally a thousand kids in basements all over the world.

And being utterly ignored.

And what the fuck were you people listening to twenty years ago, America?

Boys II Men and Mariah Carey. Toni Braxton and Bryan Adams. Phil Collins and Salt-N-Pepa.

What a fucking load of garbage.

OK, there was also Ace of Base, who were dance music. God only knows how they managed to bust their way into the US charts. And it was only a year or two after that when Everything But the Girl locked down a spot in the charts for over a year with "Missing".

But FFS America, those were the only two instances of dance music in your shitty charts for a decade.

Didn't your shitty recording industry see how Ace of Base and EBTG exploded, and clue in that there might be interest in more music like that? No. No it didn't. It was yet more shitty fucking boy bands, shitty "urban" soul-singer crap with garbage beats, and zombie coprolites like Bruce Springsteen.

And now you've invented the idiotic label "EDM" to describe electronic dance music in general, because 20 fucking years ago you even screwed up music categorization by calling "Ray of Light" "dance" when all it was was guitar, bass, drums, and some dude doing Dik Mik style beepy noises over top - which Rolling Stone called annoying because even in 1998 your country's shitty pathetic music paper of record still had its head up the asses of the fucking Ramones and other such 70s tuneless chickenshit to the point of not knowing that beepy noises were done in 1971 by Hawkwind.

This is dance music. Maybe you can call it "eurodance" if you want a specialized category, so you don't get it mixed up with psytrance or electro or something. We made these categories up ourselves, like 20 fucking years ago, while you morons were letting the fucking world pass you by.

Your country really fucking sucks.

And now that old coprolite Bob Lefsetz has suddenly discovered "EDM" and thinks it's the next big thing?

Fuck you Lefsetz, you music industry retired-parasite. Keep away from the kids. Quit trying to steal other people's stuff. The young people have been listening to this for 25 fucking years, and you and your recording industry kept it buried and starved because you hate when young people think for themselves.

Or when they have fun for free without your filthy grubby hands all the fuck over it.

So tell us more about how you were once a cool kid listening to fucking Procol Harum and being all counter-culture, Bob you pompous self-important cunt. You and your cokehead buddies in the recording industry strangled music for four decades to feed your fucking drug and whore habits and your buddies in the mafia, billing it all to the band's promo budget, and it's only now that music has finally broken free because you no longer own it. You own a pile of fossilized shit.

And fuck you also to the fuckers in government in the UK who went to the trouble of passing laws against this kind of music. Literally passing fucking laws against it. Both the Tories and Labour. Fuck you both, die all of you in a fucking fire.


  1. You say she has a great voice. From what i've heard it's good enough, no Maria Callas or Chrissy Hynde or Mike Patton, but i have no problems with it. But does she do live concerts? Maybe it's just me and my backwater provincial life but i can't remember hearing her sing live, so how much of this great voice comes from software?

    1. She does belt, and I'm pretty sure it's natural - I have a good ear for autotune.

      But I found a lot of live videos of this song where she's barely even trying and leaves a lot of the vocals to the backing track.

      PS it's funny to compare her to Chrissy Hynde. You're making a joke, right? What's next, comparing Ke$ha and Siouxsie Sioux?

    2. Chrissy came to mind when typing Maria Callas. Must be the hairstyles.