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Thursday, July 17, 2014

THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES JUST READ MY BLOG, NO REALLY, I AM NOT SHITTING YOU: here's proof


OMG PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA JUST CLICKED ON MY BLOG TODAY.


No really, here's proof:

click to embiggen

I'm pretty sure he doesn't let just any old asshat into his Executive Office. This wasn't Rand Paul dropping in and saying "hey Barry, mind if I use your computer to check up on shitty gold stocks for my dad? I promise I won't enter the launch codes for world war 3 and blame it on you after."

I wonder what Obama was looking for? Information about who shot down the Malaysian jetliner, perhaps?

My god that would be pathetic.

HE'S THE PRESIDENT OF THE WORLD'S ONLY SUPERPOWER, HE SPENDS TRILLIONS OF DOLLARS A YEAR ON ESPIONAGE AND THE MILITARY, HE HAS HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF SPOOKS WORKING UNDER HIM IN MULTIPLE DIFFERENT AGENCIES, AND HE NEEDS TO COME TO MY BLOG TO FIND PROOF THAT THE RUSSKIES SHOT DOWN MH17?

My god, Bo-dog! The Guardian has been telling you this for 6 hours now! THE RUSSKIES ADMITTED IT ON VKONTAKTE!!! The fuck, are you getting your news from MSNBC? Got nobody who can read Russian in your inner circle?

You're briefed when Angela Merkel wakes up with a boil on her fat sweaty buttcrack! You're notified every time David Cameron gets another blowjob from that Moldovan hooker the Russians are controlling him with! Can't anyone in your fucking staff keep you in the loop about an actual warzone?

He couldn't be coming here for emergency research. God no. I simply refuse to believe that. Unlike most people in the blogosphere, I do have confidence that the most powerful country in the world is run by people who do know what the fuck they're doing.

(Though he did surf here without using NoScript. Seriously Mr. Obama, that is rank incompetence from your sysadmin, right there. You really need to tell your cybersecurity dudes to install NoScript, Ghostery and AdBlock Plus on all official computers. If you were using NoScript I'd not even have known you had visited my page. Do you really want the President of the United States, the most powerful man in the universe, to even be seen by some mouth-breathing loonie like me?)

(and fuck dude, really? You use Internet Explorer? You?!? Gates has written two dozen back doors into that thing just so he can read your emails!)

OK, so let's dig deeper. What particular pages did the President visit?

click to enhugeify

Oh shit, okay. The archive for the week of Feb 16th. Shit shit shit. What did I do? Oh crap, I didn't say something illegal that week, did I? Fuck fuck fuck.

AM I ABOUT TO GET "DISAPPEARED" BY US SECRET SERVICE AGENTS? ARE THEY ON THEIR WAY ALREADY?

Let's look at what I posted on the week of Feb 16th to see if I need to be skee-daddling out of town:


Friday videos - Kylie's catchy new single. OK, prez, that's cool. You're really suffering the stress, what with America and the USSR "Russia" teetering on the brink of war, so you came to my blog to listen to some Kylie. That's cool. You've got musical taste. And "Timebomb" is a real floor-stomper.

Market Narrative is even more not a blog than IKN. OK, that's cool too. You wanted to see humourous kitten gifs to distract you momentarily from the looming apocalypse, and so you came here. Humourous kitten gifs may save the world yet.

Two morning newsbits on gold, plus dietary advice. OK, you're under stress, so you google "egg mcmuffin" and you land here. Hey, no big, Clinton used to pound back Big Macs and he turned out alright, except for that whole murdering Vince Foster thing.

The pic I posted of the letter from a crazy dude looking for a chick he met at the bus stop. OK... you probably weren't interested in that. You probably see enough crazy people letters in your anti-fanmail.

I make fun of Grant Williams and how I'm not going to see him at PDAC. I guess it sucks for Grant Williams now that he knows even the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA has read the post where I mock him for his grossly inaccurate past predictions.

GLD is not gold. It'd be interesting if B-dog came for this article. Yeah I doubt it. Doesn't look like the typical goldbug. He's too... what's the word? swarthy? Yeah, that's it.

Opinion on the PDAC speaker list, silver chart, Lydian chart, more news, GDX:GDXJ chart... fuck dude, I post a lot of fucking senseless garbage, don't I? Who the fuck reads this shit anyway?

SMBC's cartoon on Hitler fighting time-travelling assassins? I hope Barry got a laugh out of that one. Seriously, Prez, you should subscribe to smbc comics. He's real funny, though he's unfortunately cut down on the dick and poop jokes now that he's gotten all married and procreated.

Anyway, we'll never know what he came here for. But we now know that my blog has been visited by the FUCKING POTUSA BITCHEZ.

Do you know any other blogs that can claim this?

No. No you don't.

You don't know any other blogs that have been visited by BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA PRESIDENT OF THE FUCKING U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

So fuck you, all the rest of the blogosphere: I am now officially better than all y'all. Fuck you Ritholtz, fuck you Josh Brown, fuck you Joey the Weasel. Fuck yuz all.

6 comments:

  1. Relax, he probably just came for the Mila Kunis pics ........ or he heard about the blog at the FreedomFest and will continue to drop by for the Daniela

    ReplyDelete
  2. He was just hoping to catch you calling him Osama Fartbongo.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I never call him that. I call him "Balrog HUSSEIN Taxbongo".

      Delete
  3. You're going to be so pissed when you find out it was only Biden.

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    Replies
    1. Actually I respect Biden more. He's not a pussy.

      But it was probably Obama's daughter. She probably likes Kylie and kitten gifs.

      Delete
    2. Yup, I suspect the kids and the kitten GIFs too.

      Kitten GIFs are the future.

      Delete