Monday, April 7, 2014
Trivia contest: what do these bands have in common?
What do all these bands have in common?
(videos after the break)
All of the above bands have a singer who should be shot in the fucking head multiple times to stop him from pronouncing everything "hweeeeer, hwwrrrrrrr" like he's affecting some sort of constipated drawl or something, utterly identically to every other late-90s "post-grunge" College Top 40 band's singer.
In an ideal world the shooter would be Chris Cornell, who would finish by turning the gun on himself for starting the whole fucking thing with the constipated "hrneeeeer hrmwrrrrr" bullshit.
In a utopian fantasy world, Cornell would gun them down at a Soundgarden/Pearl Jam/Puddle of Mudd/Creed/Staind/Matchbox 20/Days of the New/Lifehouse free music festival in a big field overtop an active ICBM site, which will be very well attended, and which will end with the nearby nuclear arsenal of the USA detonating and taking out every stupid fucking college bro in khaki shorts and sandals who's ever listened to this fucking idiotic bullshit.
Also this music only ever made it out of basements because of payola, by the way. You could tell, because CMJ would show the same fucking college stations charting the exact same fucking bands, in the exact same order, and these were all playlisted stations. So you knew MDs were being bribed/cajoled into charting this bullshit. Which means it would never have gone anywhere on its own.
And by the way, yes I've heard Matchbox 20's "If You're Gone", and yes it is a nice catchy pop song reminiscent of "There She Goes" by the La's. But John Wayne Gacy didn't avoid execution just because he once saved a puppy from a fire.
UPDATE NOTE: Oh my god I can't believe I forgot fucking Pearl Jam.