Sunday, March 30, 2014


I went to Heavy Metal Highschool back in the 80s - no really, even the preppies at my school liked heavy metal - no really, we had one gay guy who listened to Erasure and Skinny Puppy and that was it - so this whole 21st century thing is kinda neat for me.

To wit: teenage girls playing heavy metal guitar.

Back in my day, this was unthinkable - no girl would play electric guitar (there was one girl, but she played acoustic folky shit) and no girl would ever play metal. It was simply unheard of. I actually don't know what the average girl at Heavy Metal High listened to - I hung out with the freaks - but I only remember 1 rockchick at school (and yes she was my tomboy crush).

In fact I remember in the early 90s, putting on a show for a prog/punk band from... Waterloo, I think? at a place downtown, and I had 2 opening bands on the bill that happened to each be 2 guys and 2 girls. The Waterloo band said "wow! weird! you guys down here have girls in your bands?!?" In fact, both bands had girl drummers, which was pretty patriarchy-challenging for the early 90s.

So to come across all these chicks on YouTube nowadays playing heavy metal guitar is weird and interesting to me. I watch these girls play and just wonder - what if one of these girls went in a time machine back to the 80s, enrolled at my school, and then said "oh yeah, I play guitar, y'know, Metallica, Ozzy, that sort of stuff".

I wonder if they would have instantaneously become treated as living goddesses at my school, worshipped by headbangers as they walked through the halls.

Who knows? Maybe the headbanger guys would have felt threatened by a chick who can play metal better than dudes?

Anyway, so here's what I found at YouTube. Note, I've limited the field to girls who play standing up, because any idiot can play sitting down. (Actually, it's because if you play standing up I can see if you're holding your guitar loose; if you're not playing loose you don't really have a handle on playing guitar.)

First, Juliana Vieira from Brazil with "Crazy Train":

Total rockchick, obviously feels the music, stunning solo, give her a 10 for "rockchick" but then deduct several points for playing that shitty Strat. Later videos show her with a proper guitar with humbuckers, so we won't hold this Strat business against her too much.

Next, Cissie from the Netherlands with "Master of Puppets":

Not as much stage presence as Juliana above, but give her full marks for guitar sound. Left hand technique is great, but it seems to me her right hand is too slow for the chuggy fast bits. Hard to tell for sure cos the audio doesn't perfectly track the video.

And finally, my favourite, Juliette Valduriez from France with "Ace of Spades":

Picking "Ace of Spades" (and OMG WTF BRB she also covers the Stooges) earns her extra infinity billion rockchick points. Great guitar solo. She's my personal fave.

EDIT: whoops, turns out that Juliette is 24, so she doesn't count as a highschool-age rockchick. Well, even still, she rocks more than the others as far as I'm concerned. She was probably a highschool rockchick once.

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