Tuesday, February 7, 2012

New game: rate your analyst! (post 777)

I've decided to write a fun little game. Rate your favourite stock analysts!

All you have to do is answer each question, and get the score in the brackets. Multiple points allowed for each question. Then tally up the score at the end. You can figure that out on your own, can't you?


Persona:

  • writes under real name (+2)
  • writes under real name for a real investment house or other professional business (+5)
  • writes under pseudonym (-5)
  • writes under a witty pseudonym (-10)
  • writes under a pseudonym stolen from Fight Club without understanding the irony that this novel was about an urban metrosexual's flight into homoerotic authoritarian fantasy to escape the existential dread of post-industrial America (-50)


Business history:

  • actually maintains a job in the financial sector today (+2)
  • once had job in financial sector: details of termination murky, has since fled country (-10)
  • doesn't seem to have had a real job outside of podcasting or blogging (-20)
  • previous career was in the porn industry (+100)

(And yes I really do get +100 points, above.)
(No, it was just a cashier at a porn shop.)
(But thank you for asking.)

Legal history:

  • doesn't seem to have been sued or censured yet (+1)

  • doesn't seem to have been sued or censured yet, but the way he carries on it's only a matter of time (-1)
  • has been censured by SEC (-1000)

  • has been censured by BCSC, OSC, or QSC (-5000)

(The higher points for Canadian censure are due to the fact that you apparently have to be 80 feet tall, green, breathing fire, and destroying Tokyo before the Canadian authorities begin to pay attention to what you're up to.)

Opinions:

  • wants you to know his opinion on base metals (+2)
  • wants you to know his opinion on potash, uranium, or metallurgical coal (+3 each)
  • wants you to know his opinion on rare earths (-5)
  • wants you to know his opinion on gay marriage, school prayer, Ron Paul, the US Constitution, money supply, Chicago School economics, or the gold standard (-10 each)
  • wants you to know his opinion on the Jews, Islam, the second coming of Christ, the Vancouver Canucks, the Federal Reserve or Ayn Rand (-50 each)


Stock Picks:



  • major (NYSE/TSX) listed stocks (+2)
  • Venture stocks with no liquidity and a bid/ask you could drive a fucking container vessel through (-2)
  • CDNX, pinks, OTC, or shiny mail-order coins (-10)


Politics:



  • left of centre or otherwise realistic and intelligent (+1)
  • member of Tea Party (-50)
  • founded Tea Party, now hates it (+1)
  • Tea Party doesn't go far enough for this fellow (+2)
  • nobody really knows (+20)
  • nobody really knows, but might involve a dystopian future of giant wardroids driving over piles of human skulls (-1)


Posts:



  • generous use of italics, bold, or underline (-2)
  • generous use of sarcasm (+2)
  • such quiet and unassuming hidden sarcasm that James West didn't even know he got punk'd in front of 200 people at PDAC (+200)
  • boring (+30)


Followers' blog comments:



  • serious questions on valuations, risk considerations, interpretive models (+10 each)
  • veiled racism, references to guns, empty libertarian threats of government overthrow (-20 each)
  • repeated parroting of memes like "BTFD!", "JP Morgan and the Joos", "ctrl-P", "gold, bitchez!", and various bastardizations of the names Obama and Bernanke (-50 each)
  • first commenter writes "First!!!!" (-10,000,000,000)


Public appearances:


Typical interview topics:



  • personal outlook on metals (+1)
  • personal outlook on global growth (+1)
  • personal opinion of specific mining stocks (+1)
  • favourite whiskey (-1)
  • gold standard, Federal Reserve, Obama, Ron Paul (-20 each)
  • Jesus, aliens, death panels, David Icke doesn't go far enough (-100 each)


Valuation methodology:

  • calculates target prices based on DCF NPV models (+5)
  • calculates target prices based on EPS multiples (-1)
  • calculates target prices based on ounces in the ground (-5)
  • methodology unknown, utter bullshit, possibly involving use of shamanic ritual using hallucinogenic mushrooms/chicken bones/chart analysis (+2)

(The points for "utter bullshit etc" above are due to the fact it doesn't really matter anyway, you're probably deceiving yourself by buying and selling based on a price target, it's best just to buy stocks that are going up and sell them if they don't. A price target will just get you stuck holding junk like GOZ. May as well know the target's been pulled out someone's ass, and trade based on that.)




I'll add more and repost when I can be arsed. If I even remember. Time for bed, I think.

2 comments:

  1. minus 5 i think, though i got a bit lost. Adorable post!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I've got you at -13, being charitable on a couple questions. But obviously that's a rather good score compared to some folks.

    Looking back, even GT could score markedly worse, depending on whether he can get the +30 bonus for "boring".

    ReplyDelete